


Turn Pain into     Love

by kpoplover101



Category: Kpop - Fandom, bangtanboys - Fandom, bts, namjin - Fandom, taekook - Fandom, yoonmin - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Car Accident, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gore, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Jin, M/M, Mainly Namjin, Swearing, hurt rm, other relathionships mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-08-18 19:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpoplover101/pseuds/kpoplover101
Summary: Idol-AuNamjinThere’s always been something more then a friendship between Jin and Rm. Sadly, it took something like this for them to act on it.( First fanfic,sorry)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, first chapter. Hope you like it. I’ll try to post once a week but school is a bitch so. 
> 
> ⚠️Warning ⚠️: swears, mention of blood and gore. 
> 
> Prologue:

It was more then a friendship. They knew it, the members knew it, the staff knew it, they had a feeling the fans knew it. But the didn’t act on it. They didn’t act on the feelings they had for each other. Even if it’s legal being gay is frowned upon in Korea. Not to mention the fact they’re idols and coming out would hurt the group even if they were supported by some. They couldn’t do that, not to the members, the staff, the fans who worked so hard to get where they are. So they kept it hidden, kept it secret. Until something made them act on it. 

It was a normal day for the bang tan boys. They just returned from America and had two days off to relax and recuperate. Jungkook and Taehyung we’re currently cuddling in Jungkook’s bed falling in and out of sleep. Jimin and Yoongi were in the living room as watching( or at least suppose to be) a movie but instead kissing and napping throughout the whole thing. Hosoek was out at lunch with a “friend” he missed while traveling and wouldn’t be back till later. This left Jin and Namjoon The two who were probably most tired and exhausted from their travels. Namjoon being the leader, of course, had the most stress. Keeping the members under control and together. Making sure they were ready for shows, performances, and meetings. Plus with it being in America, he did the most talking in everything they did. He needed rest and comfort from a certain eldest hyung. Jin didn’t have the leader duties Namjoon did but he had more stress and the eldest. He helped the leader whenever he could; controlling the maknae line, calming hoseok down before and interview, helping yoongi with his anxiety in any way he could. Jin would never admit it but he too suffered from anxiety, self deprecating and especially when traveling, depression. He was ecstatic when he found out they could have some days off. They all sure needed them. They said two were currently in Namjoon’s room. Both on the bed sitting next to each other. Namjoon writing and Jin listening to music and reading. They didn’t need to cuddle like Jungkook and Taehyung; didn’t need to kiss like Yoongi and Jimin; or go out to dinner like Hoseok and his “friend”. They just needed to be near each other. That was enough for both of them. The close proximity to each other was their form of comfort. The occasional touch of the hand, squeeze of the thigh, the silent words of love and support. The small things a onlooker would consider friendly normal actions. But to them it was more. It was all that they needed from each other. For now at least.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident occurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First actual chapter. Hope y’all enjoy. 
> 
>  
> 
> ⚠️ Warning ⚠️ : Blood, gore, angst in this chapter.

The day started off like any day. It was the groups final day off before they went back to their busy schedule. Everyone was basically doing the same thing as the day before. Jungkook and Taehyung were in one of their rooms again playing video games and periodically going to the kitchen for food. Yoongi and Jimin were at the park for half they day and back on the couch for the last part. Hoseok was home but in his room facetiming his friend so no one disturbed him. Namjoon and Jin started the day making breakfast together for everyone which consisted of Jin doing most of the work and laughing at the leader who failed at boiling water properly. After breakfast Jin went to his room and Namjoon hesitantly followed shortly after. He walked into find Jin getting his dance practice bag ready.  
“ What are you doing?” he asked the eldest.  
“ I got a call from the choreographer, he wanted me to go over the dance before we start tomorrow”, disappointment laced into his words.  
“What?!? But today’s our last day off” said Namjoon a little louder then intended.  
“ It’ll be fine Jonnie, you know how I am with the dances. An extra hour or two couldn’t hurt. “ Jin sadly whispered.  
Namjoon approached Jin glidding an arm around his waist. “ I should come with you, I could use the practice too”.  
“No joonie, i’ll be fine. Plus Hoseok has said he wanted to talk about a new song with you anyways. Stay”  
Namjoon couldn’t say no to Jin when he used that nickname. As much as he’d like to deny it, his heart beat 10 times faster when it fell from the elders lips.  
“ Okay, but only stay for a couple of hours. Be home soon okay?”  
“ Okay joonie”.  
Namjoon pulled away realizing how close they really were. His heart was beating faster then he wanted the eldest to know. Looking at Jin didn’t help because the vocalist was blushing and avoiding eye contact, making his heart beat even faster.  
“Well...uh.. um I should get going. Don’t want the choreographer to be mad at me before I even start dancing.”  
“Ye...yeah. See you later hyung” Namjoon replies stumbling over his words at bit.  
He stood there watching Jin walk away and sighed.  
“Coward” he whispered to himself. 

As he left Jin said goodbye to the others members and started walking down to the car to go to the studio. His head was swimming with thoughts and feelings. About Namjoon, his feelings for the younger member, and the 2 hours of hell he was about to experience dancing. He understood why he needed to go. He was never the best dancer in the group or the even an average dancer. He sucked and knew it too. Jin wanted to change, to improve. He didn’t want to be a burden to the group, to drag them down like he did every day. So he would go, try his hardest, and hopefully not make a foul of himself or his members. He got outside and saw the car. He entered and the driver started pulling away.  
“ Hello, Mr. Park” he exclaimed after seeing the driver.  
“ Hello Jin, how are you today?”.  
“ Good, and you?”  
“ Very good. In fact today was my birthday. Spent time with my family all day and now I have the pleasure of driving you!” he said happily.  
“ Happy Birthday! Sorry you have to take time out of your day to drive me”  
They turned right.  
“ No problem at all Jin. I enjoy our talks.”  
He stopped at a red light.  
“ So do I Mr. Kim. Don’t tell the other driver but your my favorite”  
They started going as the light turned green.  
“ Haha thank you Jin. Don’t tell the other members but your my favor* CRASH.  
Before Jin know it the car was airborne. The car flipped.  
1  
2  
3 times.  
It landed on its side and silence engulfed the scene. All Jin could feel was pain, blood dripping from it looked like everywhere. Screams from who he assumed was Mr. Park. He tried to scream as well but the sound wouldn’t come out. He could hear now and what he heard made him wish he still couldn’t. Sirens, screams, yelling, metal and metal clanking all giving him a head ache. He tired to move but a burst of pain from his leg made him stop right away. Jin tried to move his arms but one was stuck under a piece of metal and the other hurt to much to move an inch. So he laid there. Motionless, in pain, crying, and hoping someone would come soon. The sirens were heard getting closer and closer, but Jin passed out from the pain before they reached him. 

The phone rang and Namjoon saw it was their manager.  
“ Hello manag..”  
“Namjoon, im so sorry. You all need to get to the hospital right now!!” the manager said almost yelling, worry prominant in his voice.  
“ Why? What happened??”  
“ It’s Jin”  
and that was all Namjoon needed to hear.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after math of Jins accident. 
> 
> ⚠️ Warning ⚠️: blood, gore, and heavy angst.

Namjoon hung up the phone as soon as Jin’s name escpaed the managers lips. He rushed to where all the members had gathered in the living room. They all turned to him when he came running in, confessions written on their faces. Namjoon was clearly distraught and tears were forming in the corner of his eyes.  
“ What’s wrong Namjoon-hyung?” asked Jimin.  
“ It... It’s..ah..it’s Jin-hyung. He’s in.. in the hospital!” Namjoon croaked out in between sobs.  
“ What?!? We need to go now!” Yoongi screamed. All the members looked like Namjoon had just slapped them. All sad, tears eyes filled with worry and shock. They all rushed out the door of the dorm and down to where their manager would be. Jungkook crying heavily with a sobbing Taehyung leaning on him for support Jimin and Yoongi hand in hand running at the head of the group. Hoseok trying his best to clam Namjoon down and help him breath, even though breathing properly was something he too was struggling with. They reached the manager who gave them a scared and worried filled look. All of them packed into the car and sped to the hospital. The car was silent except for an occasional sniff from the members who at this time had calmed down and stopped crying. When they reached the hospital all of them rushed out of the car and hurried into the building. The manager directed them into a waiting area that was empty while he talked to the receptionist to see what had happened.  
Silence enfolded the members. No one said anything. Barely anyone dared to breath. Thinking the worse of what happened to their beloved hyung. After what felt like forever the manager returned. The members sprung up from their seats except for Namjoon who had be pacing back and forth.  
“ What happened?” “ Is he okay?” “ Please, he needs to be okay!” “ Omg he’s not dead is he!l” Spat all the members at once. The manager shushed them and preceded to talk.  
“ Their was a car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit the car Jin was in. It was a really bad crash. The car flipped and the drink driver ended up dead. Jin is..he’s badly hurt. In total the doctor said he has a sprained left wrist, broken left knee, sprained right ankle, and a severe concussion. He lost a lot of blood too so he’s unconscious for now but he should be okay”.  
At the last system the members let out a breath they had all been holding.  
“ Can we see him? Please!” Jungkook pleaded.  
“ Of course. Down the hall, room 135.”  
The members all ran to the room and what they saw after entering made them all cry all over again. Their hyung lying in the hospital bed with wires of all kinds attached to him. A bandage wrapped about his head with blood seeping through. Tear stains prominant on his cheeks causing the members to cry also. A brace was around his sprained wrist and another on his sprained ankle; a cast was on his leg for his broken knee. The members hearts broke seeing their eldest hyung look so broken, weak, and vulnerable. Namjoon practically ran to the chair besides Jin’s bed and hesitantly cluched his not sprained hand in his own. The other members fit on the couch in the room and comforted each other with hugs, kisses, and just their presence. Namjoon looked at his hyung, his rock, his love, his... everything and held on tighter to the hand he had claimed in his own. He never wanted to let go of Jin again. So he didn’t.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospital talkes and tears 
> 
> ⚠️ Warning ⚠️: heavy angst but also fluff.

Hours had passed and Jin had yet to wake up. The members one by one eventually fell asleep leaving Namjoon to be the only one awake. He glanced around at the scene in front of him. All the members were asleep on the small couch in the corner( god only knows how the fit). Jimin smooshed in between hoseok and yoongi on one side of the couch, while taehyung was being spooned by jungkook on the other side They all looked defeated, tear marks prominant on their cheeks. Their faces only reminded him of why they were there. In the hospital, in the room, next to their beloved hyung. He then looked at said hyung. Beautiful even in this state. Namjoon wondered how someone who was in this predicament could still be so gorgeous. Jin wasn’t only pretty; he was kind, caring, giving, talented, funny, at times annoying but at the end of the day Namjoon wouldn’t change anything about Jin. 

 

That’s a lie. He would change the fact Jin is hurt. He would go back in time to a couple hours ago and force Jin to stay home, to stay with him. He would tell Jin the three words that have been eating at his heart since they met. He would hold the love of his life at tight as humanly possible and never let go. But sadly, holding his hand was the best he could do. Praying he would wake up was the only thing Namjoon could do now. And he did, pray that is. The leader had never been a very religious person but he was desperate. The doctors had done everything they could and it was now up to Jin to wake up. So, he prayed. He might not 100% belive in a God but anything could help. He asked God for Jin to wake up, for Jin to be okay, for Jin to never get hurt ever again. When he was done begging God to bring his Jin back to him, he cried. Silently he sobbed, because what else could he do? He cried tears he didn’t realize he still had in him. The other members were sound asleep and wouldn’t hear him so he cried with no shame. Namjoon cried because of guilt, sadness, desperation, and fear. He convinced himself Jin would not wake up so he cried even more. But he was wrong. 

 

After crying for what felt like forever, Namjoon felt a squeeze of his hand. The hand that was holding Jin’s. His head shot up to look at the boy in bed and his heart leapt for joy at what he saw. It was Jin; awake, breathing steadily, blinking his eyes to adjust to the terrible lighting. He moved closer to his hyung and waited for him to be fully aware.   
“ Hyung! Hyung your okay!” he cried out.   
The loudness of his words slowly woke the others who slept on the couch. As they all came too and saw their eldest awake and okay, they lept out of their positions and raced to Jin’s bedside.   
“Jin-hyung, thank god”, said Taehyung.   
“Hyung we were so worried!” cried Hoseok.   
They were all smiling and saying sweet nothings of gratitude and joy to their eldest which seemed to overwhelm Jin. He burst into tears shocking the others.   
“I’m sorry, i’m so sorry. Please forgive me” he sobbed out.   
The boys looked at each other and then at Jin. Namjoon was the first to react by hugging him, followed by the others forming a group hug.   
“No hyung. This isn’t your fault. You’re okay and that’s all that matters!” Yoongi said reassuringly. After seeing their hyungs reaction most members started crying as well and continued to reassure Jin he did nothing wrong. Both sides words were mixtures of ‘im sorry’ and ‘i love you’. They all let out a breath of relief when the eldest’s tears died down and he breathed normally again. 

“Hyung, we really are so glad you’re okay. We were worried we.. almost lost..you” spoke Jimin with tears forming in his eyes again. Yoongi placed his hand on the swell of Jimins back to calm him down while Jin wiped his tears away.   
“ I’m okay though and im so sorry to worry you.”  
“ Promise to never scare us like that again” insisted Jungkook.   
“ I promise”. assured Jin with a big smile on his face. 

 

A couple minutes later after more hugging, the doctor came in and did a checkup on Jin. After he left, the members decided to go get dinner now that Jin was awake. “ Namjoon? You coming?” asked Yoongi. “No, i’m not that hungry. I’ll stay with Jin.” Yoongi gave him a small knowing nod before closing the door to the room. 

Finally being alone with Jin, Namjoon turned to face him properly. Still sitting in the chair he had been in all day, the younger toke Jin’s hand in his and looked at his hyung. “ I’m so happy your okay! I was so worried I had..umm.. we had lost you.” Jin looked into Namjoon’s eyes and squeezed his hand like he had when we woke up. “ You didn’t lose me. You could never lose me Joonie.”   
The nickname making Namjoon’s heart flutter again, the blush noticeable on his cheeks. Those three words on the tip of his tounge ready to be said. He looked at Jin. He notices him, takes him all in.The small cuts on his face and hands from glass.The bruises forming on the arms and neck. The newly replaced bandages on his head and wrists. His smile that was plastered on him face despite the pain he was in. The sparkle in his eye that even his tears couldn’t take away and Namjoon realized he loved it all. The members had always teased the pair about their relationship. Namjoon’s loving glances and Jin’s special gestures. It was pretty obvious to them all it was more then a friendship but the two had never crossed the line. No one knew why exactly. Other members were in a relationship so of course no one would judge or hate on them in the group. The staff had caught Jungkook and Taehyung making out before and Yoongi and Jimin sneaking away so they didn’t have a problem. Everyone was even okay when Hoseok stared meeting up with a non-idol friend more often then most would consider normal. So the only thing stopping them being together was... them. Maybe it was the fear of rejection they both had. The self deprecating thoughts both suffered from. Or it was neither and both were just to chicken. Whatever it was Namjoon was sick and tired of it getting in the way. So he built up the courage and....

 

 

*beeeeeeeep*

 

Namjoon was shocked out his day dream when Jin’s monitor went flat line.   
Jin wasn’t speaking anymore, nor was he breathing.   
Everything happened so fast. Doctors came rushing in. People were yelling, shoving, and telling him he needed to leave but he couldn’t leave Jin. Not again, not ever. Eventually a nurse pushed him out and shut the door before he could protest. So there he was. Standing in the hallway listening through the door to hear if the love of his life was dying. He hadn’t realized when but he started crying again and decided is best to sit against the wall opposite Jin’s room. He sat there for what felt like forever. His members came back then and questioned him in panicked states about what happened. They joined him on the floor and cried together. Namjoon heard the hospital room quiet down and one by one people left his hyungs room. A doctor who looked in charge slowly came up to all of them and opened his mouth like he was going to speak but closed it again like he was contemplating what to say. 

“This can’t be good.” Namjoon thought. “ Jin is dead. I know it. That’s what he’s gonna say. My baby, my love, my everything...is dead.” 

 

The manager came over and the doctor pulled him aside instead of telling the members. They all tried to read both their faces but all they saw was sadness. “No, No, No this can’t be happening!” Namjoon cried into his head. “ God please, save him!” he pleaded. He was snapped out of his desperate cries by the manager appearing in front of him.   
“ Boys, I need to tell you something.”


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Members deal with some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny how I said i’d try to update as much as I could but have literally written 4 chapter in a couple hours.

“ Boys I have to tell you somenthing. There were some unexpected complications and Jin was taken up to surgery. It’s a minor procedure though so he should be okay”. 

What?

Okay!?!

“ OH THANK FUCKING GOD!”

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. Oops, Namjoon definitely didn’t mean to say that out loud. He was going to apologize but then..

“ ha, ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA”. Everyone started laughing, hard laughing. Like can’t breath, crying laughing, including the manager. It was first time all day that anyone in the group looked remotely happy and the scene caused some weird looks for workers and visitors but everyone couldn’t help but laugh. Namjoon soon joined in but his laughs turned to sobs to quickly. Everyone else’s laughing died down and they looked at Namjoon realizing what was happening. Hoseok started comforting him with hugs, a hand rubbing up and down his back but his sobs wouldn’t stop. Periodically between sobs the words ‘thank god’ and ‘jin-hyung’ could be heard coming from Namjoon’s mouth. His sobs slowly came to an end and he let himself be hugged by each member. 

He was just so relieved. For a second, he thought he had lost the one person in the world he loved more the anything. But Jin was okay, he was going to be okay. He thanked god for that. 

After fully calming down, Namjoon and the other members were moved into a private waiting room to sit during Jin’s surgery. It would be a 2-3 hour operation so some members decided to go back to the dorm and shower or change or even sleep. Others went for a walk to get food and just to relax. Not Namjoon, he stayed and waited. Jungkook and Taehyung brought him coffee and a sandwich because he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He check the clock for the first time and it was around midnight now. Their schedule was suppose to start up again today but BigHit made a statement describing what happened and postponed all schedules for each member for a few weeks. The fans were worried of course, sending their love through twitter, instagram, even a could hand written letters. The members were thankful for the support and with no schedule they could focus fully on their hyung. Namjoon was determined to focus on Jin and Jin alone. After everything that happened in just this day, he needed to tell Jin how he felt. He needed to make up for lost time and show his love for the elder in any way he could. 

Namjoon slowly and finally fell asleep thinking about these thoughts and of his hyung.


	6. Chapter 5

Namjoon woke up around 2 hours later and was left alone in the waiting room the group had occupied. It took him some time till his eyes adjusted to the light and he understood where he was. Then it all came back to him. They were in the hospital, waiting for Jin to get out of surgery. 

Jin

“He should be out of the surgery soon if not yet”, Namjoon thought. “I need to see him”, he concluded. Namjoon stood up and headed out of the room. He was met with his manager rushing towards him, it being hard to read his face.   
“Namjoon, he’s awake!”

 

They rushed to the eldest’s room to find the other members already there. They were either sitting on Jin’s bed or standing by his side. As he walked in all of them looked his way. Yoongi moved from his spot sitting next to Jin and motioned for Namjoon to sit there. He did as instructed without delay since he was hoping deep down to get as close to the eldest as possible.   
Namjoon opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the manager.   
“Why don’t we give these two some privacy, hmm?”  
The members gave the pair knowing looks before following their manager out the door.   
As soon as the members shut the door fully Namjoon’s attention was back on Jin. Both smiling like a bunch of idiots,happy to see each other and have a moment alone.   
Those smiles soon turned into frowns as the leaders eyes filled with tears.   
“I was so scared hyung. So scared that I..We lost you again.” With this the leader hugged Jin as tightly as he could without wanting to further injure the boy. The said boy hugged Namjoon back almost as hard but clearly weaker.   
“I know, i’m so sorry Joonie. So so sorry”. 

Namjoon felt tears wet his shirt, so the other was clearly crying as well, but he didn’t care. He just hugged Jin and cried. Tears of joy,relief, sadness? He didn’t know which and he didn’t care. Jin was alive, in his arms, where the leader made a vow, he would stay.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break from Namjin to focus on Jin’s relationship with the other members.

It’s been a stressful couple of days. Everyone feels it weighing down on them. With Jin getting hurt and his members almost losing him forever, people are starting to appreciate him a lot more. It’s been one of those “life is too short” type of things that really opened the members eyes. 

Jimin was a bit scared throughout the whole situation. Scratch that, he was terrified. He and Jin had always been close; both loved skinship, dad jokes, but biggest thing they both had in common was love self confidence. Behind the eldest’s facade of “Worldwide Handsome”, he was the most self conscious in the group. Jimin related to this, being self conscious about everything he did. They both felt they had to be perfect, but weren’t yet. They had found themselves on multiple occasions, cuddling in one of theirs beds whispering reassurances and just offering support. But Jin wasn’t here right now to offer comforting words. Jimin was alone in his room crying, hoping this was a dream and Jin would come in with food and warms hugs. They door opened but it wasn’t Jin, it was Yoongi. Tears prominant in the elders eyes as he walked in shutting the door behind him and collapsing next to Jimin in his bed. Despite when some people on the outside think, the oldest rapper is full of emotion and shows it to the members frequently. 

Yoongi toke the news about Jin really badly, almost worse then Namjoon toke it. Jin, being Yoongi’s only hyung, was very close with the rapper. Both confided in each other about struggles quite similar to how Jimin and Jin talked. Except when the two eldest comforted each other it was mainly filled with silence and sitting next to each other. The others presence was enough for both and words did not need to be spoken. Yoongi felt comfortable with the eldest and shared his problems whenever he had them. Jin was always there for him and Yoongi hoped to return the favor by being there for the eldest as well. Jin had always felt uneasy sharing his problems. He believed because he was the oldest he needed to be strong for the others and not show any weakness. This caused him to have mental breakdowns and panic attacks that couldn’t be hidden from the members for long. Jin had gotten better about sharing his feelings and opening up but there was still need for improvement. There were countless times where comments from “fans” would get to him; talks given by the choreographer would cause him to stay an extra three hours practicing; the vocal coaches telling him he needed to be better “like the others”. All this he let get to him, let it break him, but the other members were there to put him back together again. 

The member who helped the most during these times was Jungkook. Some might think it’s strange; the youngest supporting the oldest the way Jungkook supports Jin, but not BTS. They understood it and were happy to have Jungkook. In the maknae’s mind being there for Jin was making up for all the times the other had been there for him. All the members raised him in their own way but Jin’s was most prominant. Not all k-pop groups could say their eldest and youngest were close, at least not compared to the relationship Jungkook and Jin had. When Jungkook was still in school, Jin would wake up early to make him lunch and then drive him to school. Without the eldest Jungkook probably would have missed half his classes and failed out. Jin also helped the youngest with homework when he could and made sure he slept a decent amount of time. While doing all of this, Jin also went to dance practice, vocal training, group meetings, cooked for the memebers, and went to college. Since the oldest did all this Jungkook found it right to help Jin whenever he could now to make up for it. In his opinion, it was the least he could do. 

Another member who felt they owed Jin a debt was Taehyung. It was no secret that in trainer days Taehyung suffered a lot. His hardships carried over even after debut. When his grandmother sadly passed all members helped him through it. Jin had been there for him throughout the months which followed and held him when he needed. When Jin’s own grandmother had passed instead of coming for comfort from the younger Jin comforted him again. He knew because of the recent death Taehyung would remember and relive the sadness which consumed him years before and Jin was ready to be there again. Taehyung didn’t understand how someone who just lost a family member would be more concerned with another but he didn’t stop Jin. He regretted it the moment Jin would leave him. One night he found Jin crying and having trouble breathing alone in his room. Taehyung rushed to him and helped him through the panic attack. After which Jin apologized for scaring the other. In Taehyungs mind Jin was an angel who the group didn’t deserve but he tried every day to make it up to the eldest and prove they did deserve him. 

Taehyung wasn’t the only memeber who thought Jin was an angel. The “sun” himself praised the eldest for multiple reasons. Hoseok was kind, collected, and calm; most of the time. There were moments where he would lose him temper, whether at staff, fans, fan sites, or even the members. Jin, however, would be there to calm him down and diffuse the situation. There was one particular occasion that is etched into Hoseoks mind. They had just landed back in Korea after going to China for promotions and the airport was crowded. They all were tired, on edge, and cranky; all dreading going into the mass of fans waiting. They had managed to avoid most of the crowd but were blocked when trying to enter their cars. A rude fan had pushed her way towards them and starting shouting swears and mean comments in their direction. The words were ignored till they all realized who in specific they were directed at. “WORTHLESS!” “LEAVE AND THE GROUP WILL THRIVE WITHOUT YOU” “JUST DIE YOU FUCKING PIG” “NO ONE WANT YOU!” All these words were being yelled at...Jin. The members all saw red, faces clearly showing it but they couldn’t do anything. No one would dare hurt the “fan” no matter what she said and the press would go nuts if they yelled back. Hoseok knew this but after a long flight and not being in a good mood to begin with, he didn’t really care. He cared about his member, his brother, his hyung. So with the girls last “DIE!”, he snapped. “STOP! SHUT UP YOU LITTLE...” Before he could finish he was pushed back and blocked from the girl. Blocked by none other the the one the comments were directed at, Jin. The eldest gave him a look, of what he couldn’t tell, and then directed his attention to the girl. “I’m sorry miss if you don’t like me but we had a long day so if you don’t mind please move out of our way”. Jin had said it so calmly and kindly that Hoseok was left speechless. The girl had moved but the look in her face was still full of hate. Later when they had returned to the dorm, Hoseok found Jin and asked him how he stayed calm. “ I needed to get you guys home. The comments don’t bother me but she shouldn’t have blocked you from leaving”. His answer shocked J-hope and the surprise was written all over his face. That night he spent with Jin, comforting him, thanking him, and learning from him. “Jin really was an angel” he thought,” an angel I’ll make sure we never lose.”


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the accident. 
> 
> Fluff with a bit of angst.

*12 days later*

Namjoon woke up in his bed feeling warm and well rested. It had been a few days since he had gotten a decent nights sleep and he was happy to be able to finally have one. All it toke was Jin. He looked to his right where the elder was laying curled up at his side happily sleeping away.

Since Jin had been discharged from the hospital he had been having nightmares. They would involve him waking up crying, having trouble breathing, and whispering ‘im sorry’. Originally he was sleeping in his own bed but after two nights of his waking in panic, the members insisted he sleep with one of them. Namjoon’s heart lept when Jin said he wanted to share with him. Knowing that the elder trusted him enough to keep him safe filled the rapper up with so much joy he barely contained it.

The memory made Namjoon smile again as he lovingly looked upon the elder in his arms. Jin’s head was positioned on Namjoon’s chest and his arm was placed over his stomach. Namjoon moved his head on top of the elders head and arm around his waist. The younger was stuck were he was and couldn’t move even if he wanted to. His happy thoughts were interrupted by a whimper coming from the boy in his arms. It was clear Jin was having another nightmare; face mushed into one of pain and fear, tears forming at the corner of his eyes, and lip quivering ever so slightly. Namjoon acted right away by shushing the crying boy and pulling him closer (if that was even possible). He slowly rocked back and forth the vocalists head and kissed his forehead till he calmed down. Throughout the whole ordeal Jin remained asleep. Shortly after is started, it stopped and the boy calmed down and fell back into his peaceful rest. 

The nightmares were really worrying Namjoon. He had tried to talk to Jin about them but the elder only apologized and told him it was nothing. It clearly wasn’t nothing and all the members had made a pact to help them stop. They tried every way they could. Tried to get Jin to talk about it, tried to cuddle him more, take care of him, and just being there for comfort. Since Jin was released from the hospital the members were taking care of him and helping any way they could. It was still taking some getting used to for Jin, being taken care of, but after a couple of days it was getting less and less hard to except help. He refused to look weak however, tried to stay strong and hold himself together. He hadn’t cried or screamed; he didn’t seem angry or sad; he refused to talk about it. He didn’t want to relive the trauma he had experienced but the members knew he needed to talk. It hadn’t been to long since the accident but the sooner the better as they say. 

It had been officially 2 weeks since Jin’s car accident. 

13 days since the members thought they lost him forever. 

12 days since they all let out a collective sigh when he was okay. 

And 10 days since Jin was released from the hospital. 

The members hoped that it wouldn’t take so long for the eldest to open up and talk to them but knowing Jin, they would have to help him along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don’t know my schedule so I guess every chapter is a supriee. Sorry, love ya!


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens and end on cliff hanger.   
> Tehe sorry
> 
>  
> 
> Angst

Namjoon woke up to sun shining through his curtains. It was colder then he remembered so he pulled the covers further up to his neck. The placed his arm next to him expecting to touch Jin, who had slept there, but his arm just hit the bed. His eyes shoot open and he turned his head in the direction the elder should’ve been. Jin, however, was no where in sight. 

The leader made his way to the hallway and as he walked down the hall he started to hear voices coming from the kitchen. As he made his way to the kitchen he also began to smell bacon and pancakes.   
‘That’s odd!?! No one cooks but Jin’ He thought.   
Which made him panic abit because the said member was banned from cooking or doing any work at all for weeks. He walked faster towards the kitchen prepared to yell at the eldest for doing work but when he entered it wasn’t the eldest cooking. Jhope stood at the stove flipping the pancakes and adding bacon to the other pan. He turned as Namjoon entered the kitchen. 

“Morning, Namjoon!” he said with a huge smile.   
On a normal day Namjoon would return the sentence but right now he was to scared as to where Jin was.   
“ Where’s Jin?” he asked.   
“Morning to you t... what?!? JIN ISNT WITH YOU?!?” screamed Jhope.   
“No, I woke up and he was gone. I thought he was in the kitchen but it was you. You haven’t seen him either?!”  
“ NO I THOUGHT HE WAS STILL WITH YOU! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WE LOST JIN!!”   
At this time the food had been forgotten and the older rapper was pacing around the kitchen with panic written on his face.   
“Hyung you need to calm down for a sec! Um...i’m sure yoongi hyung know where he is right?” Joon said trying to clam down the elder.   
“Yeah.. Yeah you’re right. Let’s go find Yoongi.”

They both walked towards said rappers room filled with hope. ‘Hopefully he’ll know’ they both thought. When they reached the room and were about to knock the door swung open revealing Jimin and Yoongi looking almost as panicked as they were.   
“Thank God! Have you guys seen Jin!” spoke Hoseok.   
“HE JUST CALLED YOONGI HYUNG AND HES ON THE ROOF! THE FUCKING ROOF!” cried Jimin who looked more worried then angry.   
“ THE ROOF! OMG WHY THE FUCK IS HE ON THE ROOF!!!”screamed back hoseok.   
“IDK BUT WE ARE GOING TO GET HIM AND PULL HIM BACK HERE AND CUDDLE HIM AND HOLD HIM AND.....” spoke Jimin.   
“Jimin calm down okay. Everything will be fine.” said Yoongi calmly.   
All four of them rushed out of the dorm and towards the stairs to the roof. All of them had many questions they needed answered. 

Why was Jin on the roof? 

What happened that he went on the roof?

How hurt was he from climbing up to the roof?

Why did he leave Namjoon this morning?

 

They could have Jin answer those later. Right now they needed to find him and make sure he was okay. 

They made it to the roof access stairs and quickly ran up to where Jin said he was. When they opened the door Jin was no where in sight. 

“Jin hyung!” called Yoongi

No answer. 

“hyung!!” shouted Jimin

No answer. 

“JIIINNNN!” yelled Hoseok. 

Still no answer. 

Namjoon was starting to get worried and from what the others faces looked like, they were too. 

“Jinnie?!?” he called. 

*sniffle*

“ wait guys shhh!” whispered yoongi 

*sniffle* 

They all ran towards the sniffling sound and eventually found Jin. They all let out a collective sigh and let smiles land on their faces. 

Until they saw where he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated! I’ve been stressed with school! Rip me


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a while!
> 
> Heaving angst but happy ending(at least in the chapter) tehe

*earlier that morning*

Jin woke up early. Like really early. 4:00 a.m. to be specific. He didn’t know why but he’d been waking up freakishly early ever since he’s been back from the hospital. It’s not that the eldest isn’t tired, because he is exhausted, it’s just that the meds he takes ware off around 4 and his body hurts again.   
This is one of those nights. Jin looks at the clock again hoping it’ll change but it still reads 4. He then looks around at his surrounding. He slept in Namjoon’s room again last night like he had been doing since the others found out about his nightmares. Usually he’d reject the attention and babying but he was just so tired and in pain because of the car accident that he really needed to be pampered. Namjoon was the perfect person to do that. They had started the night laying next to each other on their backs but their position now is spooning with Namjoon being the big spoon. His arm was on Jin’s waist and the elder could feel the rappers breath on his neck. It sent shivers down his spine but he wasn’t complaining. 

Jin didn’t really know what they were at the moment. He hoped they were more then friends because to be honest he’s loved Namjoon for years. Jin didn’t want to ruin the friendship or the group so he had kept it to himself but after him getting hurt he didn’t really care about the consequences anymore. He just cared about Namjoon. Well.. at the exact moment he cared about painkillers. 

So he slowly and carefully unraveled himself from Namjoon’s grasp and covered the other again before leaving the room. Quietly he made his way to the kitchen for the meds. His leg was still in a brace so it was difficult to walk a bit but he managed. His wrist was in a brace also but his ankle wasn’t anymore. His concussion was diminishing into a mild one and he still got migraines daily but all in all he couldn’t complain. Jin reaches the kitchen and got out his meds and a cup of water. After taking the pills he made his way to the living room and slowly sat down. With the meds he takes you have to wait to fall asleep or eat for around 30 minutes after taking it for them to properly work, so he decided to play on his phone till then. He listened to music for a bit with earphones before logging into twitter. 

That was a mistake. 

At first it was all good and fun. He looked at a couple of reaction videos and liked a couple of dog photos but then he made the mistake of looking at comments of a recent photo. It was of all 7 of them. It was from the day after Jin was released from the hospital. They had all gathered around the tv in his room and made snacks. Half way through the movie they had been watching Jimin pops out his phone and takes a quick pic. The position of everyone he found “ to cute to miss”, them being all cuddled up in blanket burritos, so he posted it that night. Jin hadn’t minded at all. He realized ARMY would want to see him alive and well plus he had to admit the pic was cute. 

Now when reading the comments under it, he wished it was never taken. 

“Ew, Jin’s back!”

“Everyone is adorable except Jin”

“He looks disgusting”

“Put him back into hiding please!”

“ I wish he had died in the accident!”

The last one forced tears to form in the corners of his eyes. 

“I wish he had died!”

 

It echoed in his head over and over again.   
He kept scrolling and found hundreds more just like that. After the 200th one he started to believe them. 

He should have died. 

Why didn’t he die?

Everyone wants him to die. 

They would be happier if he was. 

He joined BTS to make ARMY happy. 

The least he could do was kill himself to do so. 

He could still die. 

He should still die. 

At this point in his thoughts he was sobbing. Body shaking, clutching his heart, having trouble breathing, sobbing to no one. He made up his mind. 

He was going to die. 

So he put he phone down and made his way out of the dorm. Down the hall. Up the stairs. To the roof. To the edge of the roof. Looking down at the city. And waited. 

He didn’t know what he was waiting for. A sign maybe? That he shouldn’t do it. Or a sign that he should. But there Jin was. The oldest of BTS. Kim Seokjin. Standing on the edge of life or death. Jin was to focused in his thoughts to pick up the running of people up the stairs or the door slamming open to the roof. Not even the first 3 calls of his name. 

Until he heard Namjoon. Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon. Probably the love of his life. The person he talked to, hung out with, laughed with, cried with, cared about, and loved. He was calling Jin’s name. Searching for him.  
“ Maybe?” Jin thought. “ Maybe I don’t have to do this?” But he needed to. For ARMY. For his members. They’d be better off without him. Less stress and hassle. Even before the accident he was a burden. A disgrace. A nothing.

But here Namjoon was. Looking for him. Was he so bad if Namjoon wanted him? Was he so worthless? His differing thoughts caused him even more pain then his leg or concussion. He began to sob again. That is what gave him away. That is what Namjoon heard. Jin sobbing. 

Jin didn’t need to look to know his members were now behind him and saw where he was. But he turned his head anyways. The look of terror on each members face made him want to jump even more. They all looked so hurt, and broken that he didn’t know what to do. 

“ Jin-hyung!” jimin shakingly cried. 

Jin looked at all the faces before him and immediately regretted coming up to the roof. He never wanted any of his members to be in pain and most certainly didn’t want to be the cause of such pain. He was about to turn completely around to walk towards them when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist pulling him off the edge and into a bone crushing hug. It was Namjoon. The leader was clearly crying like everyone was but he hid his face in there crook of Jin’s neck. 

“ You aren’t leaving us again hyung! Not now, not ever!” he cried. 

And with that Jin broke. He broke in the others arms and let himself be absorbed into Namjoon’s embrace. Soon the others joined. All sobbing, and shaking, and clinging onto Jin. No matter what anyone of them could do, they all continued sobbing. Jin repeating ‘sorry’ or ‘ forgive me’ over and over again ,with the others whispering sweet nothing of forgiveness and understanding into his ears, until he couldn’t anymore. The pain of walking up all the stairs to the roof, his forming migraine, and all the emotional stress finally got to him. And he passes out in Namjoon’s arms. Still on the roof. Still in a bone crushing hug. But never at a more peaceful state.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After math of Jin’s breakdown of sorts. 
> 
>  
> 
> ⚠️ angst ⚠️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, exams were killing me!  
> I promise to update more often now but since it’s Christmas break i’ll still be busy. 
> 
> Merry Christmas 🎁🎄 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!!!❤️

They all stayed on the roof for some time. No one knew how long for sure; an hour, two? who knows? They were all to focused on Jin. After being passed around from member to member for them to hug him, he passed out. Jin was tired mentally and physically. The walk up to the roof caused his leg to hurt and a migraine to form so him passing out was expected. After he was out the members stayed on the roof just looking at him, thanking god he didn’t jump, and talking. It was light outside by now and jhope decided to text Taehyung and Jungkook to join them, hoping they were up now. They both responded and ran up to the rest of the group as fast as they could. When the maknaes arrived Yoongi explained what happened and both the youngest precided to cling to Jin for the next 30 minutes. Finally they decided it was time to head back to the dorm so Jungkook carried Jin downstairs, careful not to hit his leg or head on anything. They all thought Jin could use more sleep so they placed in back into Namjoon’s room The group all stayed in the room; Namjoon, Jimin, and Jungkook on the bed near Jin and Jhope, Yoongi, and Jhope either on the couch or floor. Eventually they all feel asleep again, except Namjoon. He needed an explanation for what had happened. Everyone in the group knew Jin has troubles with self-confidence, and for a time being depression but they never thought it would get this bad this fast. After the car accident, everyone was so focused on the elders physical pain, no one really focused on his mental pain. Namjoon was determined to change that. He vowed that when Jin woke up they would all talk. He also vowed that after tonight he would talk to Jin about something more personal too. With the accident and now this Namjoon was sick of hiding( and failing) his feeling for Jin. He didn’t care anymore how it would affect everything, he just couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore. Especially now, if Jin had second thoughts about himself, Namjoon wanted to show and tell him just how wrong he was. Before he knew it Namjoon fell asleep along with with his members. “JIN HYUNG!” “namjoon wake up!” “JIN DONT DO IT!” “namjoon!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAA”! Namjoon’s eyes shoot open. He was breathing heavily and covered in sweat. Yoongi was standing over his eyes filled with concern. It was just a dream. Thank god. He looked around seeing all his members gone except him and Yoongi. “Are you okay?” yoongi said. “um*cough* yeah... sorry” namjoon struggled saying with a sore throat. “It’s okay. You know, Jin hyung is okay. He’s okay Namjoon.” Crap, yoongi heard him screaming in his sleep. Namjoon knew nightmares were a normal thing but he still didn’t like to look weak. Right now that’s exactly how he looked. “ I know hyung. I just...*sigh* I dreamt that we didn’t get there in time. I dreamt we didn’t save him.” Namjoon started to sob and yoongi hesitantly pulled him into a hug. “It okay, it’s okay. You really should talk to him about this. It will help.” “I know. I’ll do that.” The door opened and both the rappers looked to it in surprise. Speak of the devil, it was Jin. “Namjoon? Can we talk?!” “Yeah, i think that’d be smart” As jin came to sit next to Namjoon on the bed, Yoongi left giving Namjoon a knowing look and mouthing ‘good luck’. They had a lot to talk about and both seemed to want to discuss ‘everything’. ‘This was going to be a hard and long conversation’ Namjoon thought. ‘But it was worth it.’


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon and Jin “talk.”

Silence. 

 

After Jin had come in to talk to Namjoon, neither had said a word. It was eerie how silent it was. Namjoon didn’t think it could get so quite before this moment. 

They were both sitting cross legged on Namjoon’s bed facing each other. Jin was fiddling with his hands occasionally pulling on his hair. He was looking down at his lap, avoiding Namjoon’s eyes. 

Namjoon was less introverted with his akwardness. He was full out staring at Jin. Switching back from looking at his hands to trying to see his face. 

It had been around 10 minutes of nothing. And it was killing Namjoon, clearly. He wanted to start the conversation. Hell knows he has a lot of questions and a lot of things to say to the elder. He wants to speak soo badly...but his voice doesn’t seem to be working. 

‘Come on Namjoon! Fucking speak you idiot’ he thinks to himself. ‘COME ON SPEAK!’

“Joonie I..”

“I LOVE YOU!” namjoon interrupts. ‘THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU OMG NAMJOON! WHO THE HELL JUST SAYS THAT OMG OMG!’  
Namjoon was clearly unraveling. He had panic in his eyes and for once during that 10 minutes he wasn’t looking at Jin. Namjoon felt like he couldn’t breath suddenly and he was slowly staring to shake. 

‘Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck’

‘I messed up everything! Omg he’ll hate me’

“Namjoon”

‘He’ll hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me’

“Namjoon!”

Namjoon had squeezed his eyes shut, not daring to look at his hyung. He had just ruined everything, or so he thought. 

While Namjoon was having his tiny mental break, Jin was speechless for a different reason. 

Jin had loved Namjoon for yeeaaarrsss and the fact that he was now saying that love was mutual was something he never thought would happen. Jin had kept to himself(kinda). Sure he cuddled with the yonger, flirted with him, slept in the same bed as him sometimes, clearly favorited him above the other members and OH SHIT. So it wasn’t that hidden but he tried. But now, in front of him was pretty positively the love of his life and he’s what?? Namjoon’s freaking out and even though Jin is now calling his name, Namjoon isn’t snapping out of it. What to do? What to do? Oh! An idea came to Jins mind and he started to blush. 

‘Screw it!’ he thought. Before he knew it he was leaning in closer to the younger and kissing him. 

Namjoon didn’t see it coming at all. Mid panic attack and he hears his name coming from the elder but it’s to quiet compared to his own head telling him how much he screwed his relationship with the said boy. His head won’t shut up until he feels it. When Jin kisses him he instinctively opens his eyes to see if it’s real. When he realizes it is and that he should be kissing back; he does. When he imagined his first kiss with Jin he thought it would be life changing and feel like fire works going off in his heart. But it felt better, 1000000000% better. It felt like his heart was singing and his mind was exploding at the same time and it was addicting. Before Namjoon knew it, Jin was pulling away and he wouldn’t admit it but he whimpered for the elder to come back. When he realized that wouldn’t happen, he opened his eyes to see the vocalist looking back at him with so much love and adoration he would puke if it wasn’t directed at him. 

“I love you too Joonie”. 

With that Namjoon pulled the elder onto his lap and kissed him again. This time it was more heated, filled with all the built up pinning and love for each other. Both their hands roamed each others bodies up and down their arms, necks, chests, and hands. Each gave their all into the kiss it seemed like the world was ending. In reality theirs was just beginning. 

 

It seemed like hours before they came up for air, gasping for a decent breath and placing their foreheads together. They smiled like fools and laughed liked idiots but it’s was perfect. 

 

That night they spent kissing, cuddling, and eventually falling asleep together with love in their hearts and smiles on their faces. 

They could talk tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probs sucks but oh well. School starting again and imma die but i’ll still try to update as much as I can!
> 
> Thanks for reading❤️


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin talks to the members. 
> 
> ⚠️ warning ⚠️: depression and suicide is mentioned. Don’t read if your sensitive to it. Be careful💖

Jin woke up to warmth and contentment. After remembering what happened last night a small smile crept up on his face. His eyes were still shut but he could tell it was bright out. He snuggled closer to the body next to his, feeling the cold of outside the covers getting to him. A kiss was felt on his cheek and he pouted due to the strong contrast of the cold lips compared to his warm cheek. His pout cause the person next to him to giggle. So he opened his eyes and was meet by a giggly Namjoon looking at him with nothing but love in his eyes. He could listen to the younger laugh all his life. It was the only music he needed. There were a lot of things he wouldn’t mind living with forever about Namjoon. His way with words, his smile, his warmth, his kisses, his hugs and so much more. Jin couldn’t understand why someone as perfect as Namjoon chose him.

‘Had he chose him?’. I mean sure they kisses but what if that was just Namjoon being horny? What if Namjoon didn’t actually want it? What if it’s a one time thing? Jin didn’t want it to be a one time thing. He wanted it to be a life time thing.

“Hey. What are you think about that’s causing that frown?” asked the younger. Jin hadn’t even realized he was frowning. He was to lost in his self deprecating thoughts to see the concern in the leaders eyes.

Jin thought about lying, saying it was nothing but Namjoon deserved an explanation. For everything, so he might as well start now before Namjoon got bored of him.

“Everything” answered Jin. His answer was not satisfactory to the other causing his too to frown.

“Can..uh.. can we talk about it?” namjoon carefully spoke as if scared to hurt Jin.

“Yeah, um i guess we should. The others should probably hear it right?”. “Only if you’re comfortable with it.” The rapper said while playing with Jin’s hair. God Namjoon was being so sweet. What did Jin do to deserve him?

“Do tae and kook know?” he realized the maknaes weren’t there when he was.. you know... at his lowest. “Jimin-ah said he would tell them about it today, so they should.”

 

Damn it. The guilt started to crept up on him. The maknaes shouldn’t have to deal with this, with him. He was a burden no one needed and he was certain no one wanted. What did he have to offer? Nothing. Jin wasn’t as good a singer as Jungkook; wasn’t as good a dancer and Hoseok; not a rapper like Yoongi; couldn’t write a song like Namjoon; wasn’t as kind or cute as Jimin; and wasn’t as handsome as Taehyung. He was nothing. He never understood why the group kept him around. Sure he cooked, cleaned, took care of them while they were sick, etc but that was all easy work. Anyone could do that. Now that the members were older and could take care of themselves, he wasn’t needed. He wasn’t wanted. Or at least that’s what he told himself. What the other members truly thought, however, was vastly different. They thought he was everything and so much more. And after what happened on the roof, they realized they needed to tell him that more often.

 

Namjoon and Jin slowly got out of bed and moved out to the hall. After looking at the clock, they realized it was later in the day then the thought. It was 1:00 and all the members were up and moving around the house. Jungkook and Tae were playing video games in the living room, focused and unmoving. Jimin and Yoongi were cuddling on the couch near the youngests, both on their phones looking at social media. Hoseok was in the kitchen cooking something and Jin hoped he didn’t burn anything down. Namjoon has excuse himself to the bathroom, leaving Jin alone looking into the room where his family was. No one had noticed him yet, which he appreciated because he needed a moment to compose himself before having this talk. Namjoon soon came out of the bathroom and walked up to Jin wrapping an arm around his waist.

 

“Ready?” he whispered. Jin could only nod hesitantly. They walked further into the room, Namjoon’s arms never leaving Jin’s hip. The leader coughed, catching the attention of the members.

 

“Jin!”shouted Jungkook. Said man was about to yell at him for dropping the hyung but let it slide when the maknae practically tackled him for a hug. The oldest was shocked at the reaction he got from the youngest but hugged him back anyways. Jungkook eventually let him go and went back to sitting next to Tae, video game long forgotten. Hoseok has come in from the kitchen after hearing Jungkooks cry and was now sitting on the floor near Taehyung, leaving the small couch open for Jin and Namjoon. But Jin didn’t move. He stood there at the entrance of the hall frozen. Namjoon stood beside him, switching from looking around at the members to Jin.

Seeing that the eldest was not planning on moving, Namjoon’s lightly toke his hand and led him to sit in the couch. No one spoke for a while, hoping Jin would start but after some time they realized he wouldn’t.

 

So Yoongi tried first. “Hyung, we need to talk abo...”. Jin zoned out. God, how stupid could he be? They probably hate him now and to be honest he doesn’t blame them. It’s his fault, all his fault. He’s the one to blame for their problems. He dragged them down and always has. He doesn’t deserve them. He doesn’t deserve to be in BTS. He doesn’t deserve to be alive. He should have jumped. Why didn’t he jump? It’s because they called him. NO! It’s not their fault. They are innocent in all this. It’s his fault. All his fault. No one else’s. All his fault. All his.. 

“Hyung!?!” yoongi spoke, raising his voice some but not in anger but more concern. It was then that Jin realized he zoned out and apparently was crying a little. He quickly willed away his tears.

“I- I’m sorry, what did you say?” he apologized again, sorry to be a burden. “I-um I said, we should talk about what happened hyung. If you’re okay with it”. Yoongi spoke as if Jin would break. God why didn’t everyone think he would break? Why did everyone think he was weak? Because he was. Weak.

 

“ Um y-yeah. We should talk.” Jin whispered but loud enough for everyone to catch it. “What happened hyung?”It was Jimin who spoke this time, careful with his words as to not upset the eldest.

“ I guess I just felt-um- i don’t know- worthless. I ha-had read some comments— i know i shouldn’t have but i couldn’t help it— and i just started to believe them.” Jin confessed causing his doesangs to frown. “What did they say hyung?” Taehyung inquired. Jin stayed silent for a moment wondering if he should tell them. Namjoon aware of Jin’s hesitation, laced their finger together and gave his hand a tight squeeze.

“ They said I-uh- don’t deserve to be here. In the group I mean. And that after the accident I should’ve not returned. They got meaner then that to the point of saying..”Jin couldn’t finish, tears forming in his eyes again recalling the harsh words.

“Go on, we arent going anywhere”. Namjoon comforted.

“They said they wished I died in the car crash and that id be doing everyone a favor if I finished the job”, Jin chocked our staring to cry. Namjoon pulled him into a hug, horrified of what Jin had said. Had he truly believed the antis? How could he think that? How did Namjoon hit notice? The other members were think the same thing. All of them tasty eyed at the eldests confession eventually joined the hug.

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry i couldn’t do it” Jin was full our sobbing into Namjoon’s should but no one cared about that. They cared about what Jin had just said.

 

Was he apologizing for NOT killing him self?!?!

 

“NO! Dont you dare hyung!! You’ve done nothing wrong and you better not apologize for something like this!” Taehyung screamed back. “Hyung, i’m sorry you had to go through this especially after the accident. But you need to know that we are HAPPY you didn’t kill you self. We are so damn happy you couldn’t believe. We love you soo fucking much and no one could change our minds about that. Ever”. Hoseok joined in.

 

“Hyung, please believe me when I say, you are the most hardworking, talented, kind, funny, and loving person so have ever met. I don’t know where I’d- WE be without you.” Yoongi spoke up. “ To be honest i’d probably be dead without you. You got me through so much- all of us so much- it’s unbelievable. You helped me through depression, making sure I ate and toke me meds. You help hoseok through his stress and lord only knows how many panic attacks. You helped Jimin with his diet problem. Made sure he never went back in one and always fed him properly and well. Jungkook was a baby when he joined and you toke care of him like a real brother would. When Tae was getting hate when he joined YOU where the one who talked to him-when no one else would- YOU where the one you toke him out and spent days with him to cheer him up. Namjoon would sure as hell be A LOT more stressed with leadership if it wasn’t for you. And in case you didn’t catch it, he fucking loved the hell out of you. We all do. We all love you so much. So please... please don’t try to leave us for a third time”.

At the end of Yoongis rant everyone was sobbing. Unapologetically sobbing into each others shoulders. No one denied what the rapper said cause it was all true. EVERY SINGLE WORD was 100% true.

 

Jin’s mind was a wreck. It was telling him all of their words were lies but his heart was telling him it was true. They looks on his members faces were telling his is was true. The love they were showing his was telling his it was true. So he thought,’ maybe it was?’.

 

“I won’t leave. I promise” he spoke out between sobs.

Jin definitely wouldn’t get better in a matter of minutes but his members knew now and we’re going to help every step of the way. They weren’t going to leave him and he was to leave them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it’s bad and sorry for my weird ass update schedule. I’ll try to post again but schools a bitch. 
> 
> Thanks for reading❤️❤️❤️


	14. Chapter 13(last chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!! 
> 
> ⚠️Warning ⚠️: depression, cutting, and suicidal thoughts mentioned but not described. 
> 
> 💖also fluff but some angst💖  
> also sorry it’s short.

“Jin”. 

“Jinnie ?”

“Jinnnniiiiiiieeeee”. 

*sigh*”What Namjoon?”

“How are you feeling?”

It’s officially been a month since the groups talk/breakdown and Jin has greatly improved. He started therapy with a woman who specializes in idols and it’s going quite well. Sure there are ups and downs but it’s better then before. He still felt a burden to the members sometimes and relapsed in cutting once but it was improving. 

Jin was also back to performing. A comeback was soon approaching and they all couldn’t be more excited and scared. Of course Jin toke is easy but his body was healed and he was ready to return to the thing he loved.

Speaking of what he loved....

“I’m feeling good today Joonie!”

The younger smiled at Jin’s reply. Ever since the whole incident a month back, the two of them became even closer( if possible ). They had officially started dating and the entire group couldn’t be happier. Sleeping in the same bed became a given thing and stolen kisses became a constant in their life. The others gaged at it but secretly all the members couldn’t be happier for the two. They all had their own relationships anyways so their time wasn’t focused on the “mom and dad” of the group( as three called them) anyways.   
Jimin and Yoongi were celebrating their 2 year anniversary coming up; Tae and Jungkook celebrated their 1 year anniversary last week and Jhope had finally introduced his boyfriend to the group. 

Everyone was happy, loved, and at peace.   
The last 2 months had been hell to put it lightly. Everything had taken a toll on the entire group but they all became closer because of it. It was a tradition now that every Saturday they would eat a family dinner and talk over their problems of the well. No one wanted a repeat of what happened with Jin and decided that this new weekly thing might ease each others pain. Because they knew that as long as they had each other, they could turn all their pain into love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who actually read this! 
> 
> I hoped you liked it and will maybe read some of my other works(once I write them)!
> 
> 💖💖💖


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